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thejadeforest
06 December 2010 @ 06:33 pm

last official day of class today, then 2 exams on the 9th and 17th and then im done! huzzah! somehow i made it through first semester and didnt completely fail. im actually..sorta shocked.

im excited for winter break. for the much needed sleep. ive been getting 4-6hrs each night since september and my body's getting angry. plus its increasing my appetite and causing my back and knees to act up more than they usually do. was doing well restricting again slowly after a horrible 2week binge and was 103.8lbs (5'3.7 height) on nov 30..now im back up to 105lbs i think... prolly tmi but ive been getting spotting lately(im on birth control and have been for almost a yr) and i usually dont. i just feel...bleh, bloated. i need more fruit and veggies. i live on an excessive amount of coffee, tea, diet iced tea, yogurt and toast. bleh.

 


 
 
thejadeforest
29 September 2010 @ 09:47 pm

i dont even know where to begin. alot of life has happened. stuff, for good or worse, that im not going to waste time elaborating on. seeing as this is more of a diary entry then a blog of sorts, at least to me. here's the basics

graduated, attending college now. 18 as of sept 9...not sure how i feel about that yet. 5'3.7". cw- something unpleasant, at least for me, 103-104lbs..lw=99.8lbs hw=135lbs ugw=80lbs

hmm. that's all for now.


 
 
thejadeforest
17 July 2009 @ 10:49 pm
i am s
 
 
thejadeforest
19 June 2009 @ 04:52 pm
 I'm a girl of contrasts.
Caught between life & death, love & loneliness, intensity & exhaustion.
But most importantly, between hunger & self-depravation.
The desire to eat and the desire to be thin.
Call it "food issues" or call it self-destruction.
Call it suicide.
I don't care.
All I know for sure in life is that I MUST be thin,
and that I will do anything
and everything
to get there. 





     cw- 115lbs || h- 5'4 || gw1- 110lbs || gw2- 105lbs || gw3- 100lbs || gw4- 95lbs || gw5- 90lbs || ugw- 80lbs
 
 
thejadeforest
02 May 2009 @ 08:43 pm

I will feed my s o u l,

not my addiction,

for it can be overcome.

 
 
 
thejadeforest
01 May 2009 @ 12:04 pm

72 hour fast.

start: midnight thursday

end: midnight sunday

allowed

* h20 * diet pop * plain coffee * plain tea * herbal tea * small amounts of juice *

 

 


 
 
thejadeforest
26 April 2009 @ 07:36 pm

This is it. As of April 27th I am starting fresh.

Plan:

-have 800-1000cals a day for a week and w/o 3x per week

-Decrease to 500cals a day and w/o 4x per week

-Maintain 200-500cals a day, liquid fasting 1day a week, and w/o 4x a week.

Stats:

H- 5'3.5" * Cw- 115lbs * Hw- 135lbs * Lw- 105lbs

Gw1- 110 * Gw2- 100 * Gw3- 90 * Ugw- 80lbs.

 

I WILL be double digits by my 17th birthday (09/09/09)

 

 
 
thejadeforest
22 April 2009 @ 05:57 pm
I Am A Cow
 
 
thejadeforest
this is my convo with the MOD





sade_xox: Lauren.. im sorry for bothering you again but i am so depserate. I miss pa so much.



Im so sorry i broke the rules. I forgot that posting youtube vids under a cut was against the rules as i have not been on the site very much lately and did not know about the new rules. when i was warned it was for "soliciting adresses" i didnt know posting youtube vids was wrong because alot of the girls do it.



Please, is there anything i can do to prove myself to you? PA is my home. Those girls are my sisters. They keep me strong. I just found out this morning from my doctor that i might be going to IP. I feel so scared and alone. I stayed up all night crying when i found out i was banned.



Please, please i promise nto to break a single rule again. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.



Sincerely, Enya.

-----------



Lauren: Hi Enya,



Like I said before I am really sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now.



After you first posted soliciting addresses you were sent a warning which you confirmed receiving.



Last night you started out by discussing prior admins in comments and you stated there that you knew that you were breaking a rule.



Then you posted about the bracelets which was soliciting addresses again.



After that you posted the video.



We gave you a warning and you chose to ignore it. We have to enforce the rules to keep everyone in the community safe. I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time but that isn't an excuse to break rules.

-----------



sade_xox:



Okay i am not going to use my suicide attempt or my eating disorder as an excuse. I broke some rules and i fully accept the blame for that. Alot has been going on right now and I was not fully aware of the rule changes. this is the message i was sent:



Please read the rules. You must make members feel welcome and you may not solicit private info such as email or physical address. It is OK to "not" respond to a member's posts, but it is not OK to say it.



- I understand the bracelet one.. I didnt know at the time that it was against the rules, i thought the only part i did wrong was asking for others to msg me their adresses, thats why i posted about it again, this time NOT mentioning my email or telling girls to send me their adresses..



For the video part.. i posted some funny vids off youtube and the later on posted one song by LUDO which i found i could relate to very well, and i thought it was ED related. Girls are always posting funny things to try to cheer eachother up, and posting song lyrics and such.. hence the funny vid posts and the ludo vid. I thought that they had to be behind a cut and that was it. id only heard about the Omegle incident like 2+hrs prior and did not think posting a music video was promo..



In the WR i did not know that they had the same rules as PA. I thought the "promo" rule was to do with websites like Omegle or facebook or stuff... i did not think that the rules had changed there too. I frankly dont fully understand PA's definition of promotion. Lauren could you please clarify that for me?



I know you dislike me. You can be honest, i am okay with that, but pa is my home and all the girls are like my family. I am going through a really tough time right now and I really need the support. I am so scared of hurting myself again. I often sit on my hospital bed and fantasize about how easy it would be. it is only comming on ProAnorexia and asking for help that has saved me thus far.



Please Lauren, could we work out a deal, anything? Is there anyway I could prove myself worthy to you? I will do and give up anything to prove my sincerity to you.



-Enya

------------



Lauren: "I understand the bracelet one.. I didnt know at the time that it was against the rules, i thought the only part i did wrong was asking for others to msg me their adresses, thats why i posted about it again, this time NOT mentioning my email or telling girls to send me their adresses.."



When you posted again you asked girls to send you messages if they wanted bracelets. You would have had to solicit addresses again over messages in order to send new bracelets.



"For the video part.. i posted some funny vids off youtube and the later on posted one song by LUDO which i found i could relate to very well, and i thought it was ED related. Girls are always posting funny things to try to cheer eachother up, and posting song lyrics and such.. hence the funny vid posts and the ludo vid. I thought that they had to be behind a cut and that was it. id only heard about the Omegle incident like 2+hrs prior and did not think posting a music video was promo.."



Posting videos isn't necessarily promo- there is a separate rule that says not to post videos or links to videos.



"In the WR i did not know that they had the same rules as PA. I thought the "promo" rule was to do with websites like Omegle or facebook or stuff... i did not think that the rules had changed there too. I frankly dont fully understand PA's definition of promotion. Lauren could you please clarify that for me?"



You posted your e-mail in the waiting room. It clearly says in the waiting room rules that posting e-mail is not allowed.



"I know you dislike me. You can be honest, i am okay with that"



I don't know you, and I honestly don't dislike you. Please understand that this isn't personal at all- my decisions are based on keeping the community safe not on my opinion of you.



"Please Lauren, could we work out a deal, anything? Is there anyway I could prove myself worthy to you? I will do and give up anything to prove my sincerity to you."



You have been given multiple chances already and you have continued to break rules. You have given me no reason to trust you. At this point it would be completely irresponsible for me to unban you because you could continue to break rules which puts the entire community at risk.

-----------



Sade_xox: I know I have shown you no reason to trust me. But lauren I swear i did not know posting my email was against the rules either, girls are always doing that for aim or asking if others have myspace, im sorry i did not see anything wrong with that.



HAve you ever made a mistake Lauren.. something you truly regret? This is my mistake. This is my regret. It saddens me that you would base your decision to unban me on the fact that i broke more rules in the WR (rules which i did not know even existed)



Lauren Honestly I dont think there is anything i can say or do to convince you to somehow trust me again. I guess I am banned for life then huh? It makes me sad that I can never be apart of the PA comunity again. Especially when i really need it. Please know that I am truthfuly sorry. Is there someway i can prove to you that i am who i say i am? I could give you my email, my fb adress, anything. I honestly meant no harm. Please lauren, I know the rules mean alot to you but if you give me a second chance, i promise that it will not be wasted.



Sincerely, Enya
 
 
thejadeforest
07 April 2009 @ 12:01 am

http://www.facebook.com/groups/edit.php?success=1&customize&gid=70586561714#/group.php?gid=70586561714&ref=mf

 

 FOR ALL THOSE WHO FEEL BULLIED BY THE NEW PA MODS OR WHO WERE BANNED UNFAIRLY.